January 26, 2012

Feeling restless

It's 3:35 am and I'm still awake, despite the fact I was feeling tired all day and was looking forward to some sleep. However I can't fall asleep. My mind is currently over-active, thinking of a million things at once.

I don't know if it's the prospect of having to look for a "real" job, but today I kept thinking of things I could be doing, new things I could be learning and creating. I kept looking up tutorials for all kinds of things, looking up supplies and what I would need, even workshops I could possibly attend. Not for one thing, but for multiple things (jewellery, sewing...). It's like my brain is telling me: "You don't need a real job, you are born to create things!". Too bad my brain doesn't understand yet that I can't make a living that way. =P

But yeah, I've been looking at tutorials today and I can't stop thinking about creating new things. Which is bad for a few reasons:

  • I don't have the money to start doing something new
  • I already have lots of other things I should be doing
  • I never really push through with an idea anyway, so it'll just be a waste of time/money
  • something tells me I would probably fail at doing those things anyway (since I'd rush into it, not taking my time to properly learn)
  • anything new I do makes me feel bad because that's time I'm not spending drawing... when drawing is supposed to be the thing I love but I've not done it in so long
  • and many more reasons!

Sorry for the late night rant, I just needed an outlet! Also the next comic I found kinda fits in with all this. A bit, maybe.

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